I just haven't been able to bring myself to write
I've tried to.
Yesterday I opened a half-written post and stared at it for a good hour. I googled the topic of the post, copied some images, and thought about it . A lot. But I didn't add a single word. My mind wasn't blank - it was just too jumbled to get the thoughts out clearly.
Today, one of my friends linked the following on facebook:
I have just been enjoying my hamster ball!
Not only have I not been writing blogs - I haven't been reading them either. According to Feedly, I have 120 blog posts (in the "Running" category) - just sitting there - patiently waiting for my attention.
I've just kind of withdrawn lately. I even skipped church 2 of the last 3 weeks.
The irony is, that most of my IRL (in real life) friends would classify me as outgoing! That's because I am pretty good at faking it. I can act like the "life of the party" - but once I'm back home and all alone I just feel dirty and tired.
-dirty because I know I said and did a hundred stupid things.
-tired because the whole time I just wanted to retreat to my own little world... where it is safe, and warm, and I never have to face reality.
The other irony is that someone who loves quiet and solitude as much as me would give birth to 6 kids. Don't tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor!
Actually - it's more like HE has a PLAN. (duh!) If I didn't have all these kids to keep me active and PRESENT, I fear I really would retreat into my own snug, little hamster ball.
Meanwhile - Running has been awesome! I've finally found a summer-workable plan.
New Running Plan:
- Run after 8pm. Previously I had been running around 6:30. The extra 90 minutes really does make a difference. The only problem is that at that time of day I am limited to running in and round my neighborhood - which I will not do alone! So I am very blessed that my husband is able to run along with me most of the time.
- On the treadmill. When Brian can't run with me, I use the treadmill (conveniently located in my den!) I have been able to make it tolerable by alternating laps of running and walking (1/4 mile running fast then 1/4 mile walking) I'm not sure this qualifies as real running, but it gets the job done without me having visions of taking a sledgehammer to the Nordic Track!
If you are reading this, it means I hit "Publish".
-which means I stepped out of the hamster ball for a bit. Or maybe I just let you in. Either way, It indicates that my world is righting itself.
And that is a very good thing!
Please share with me how you are handling summer running? Have you changed running times or paces?